What If?
by miamitravel
Summary: Tara thought she knew what she wanted when she left for Chicago, but found that everything she wanted was right here in Charming.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1--- What If?

Looking in the mirror she didn't see anything truly different about her outside appearance as of yet. But her heart and soul was tied to the man she was in love with forever. She thought that when she left that she would find herself, but what she found was that she should never have left. She only wished she could go back in time and change things, but knew that was impossible.

Tara Knowles, resident doctor at St. Thomas and all around good girl, was hopelessly in love with Jackson "Jax" Teller. Jax was the VP of the motorcycle club Sons of Anarchy. She knew what they dealt in and with, but she also saw a different man when he was with his son Abel. Now Tara had to tell him that she might be presenting him with another in 7 months time.

"Dr. Knowles…..excuse me, Dr. Knowles…" says the young nurse at her side.

"I'm sorry Jasmine, I must have zoned for a moment, what do you need?" asks Tara as another bout of nausea hits her. She breathes in deeply trying desperately to quell the feeling in her stomach. Under control, she turns to Jasmine and tries again.

"Sorry Jasmine, I'm not feeling well, but I can help you if need it." Jasmine explains her dilemma with one of the patients and Tara accompanies her to the room. The patient is a young woman whose car was overturned right outside of Charming and no one has any idea who she is or what happened to her. Checking over the IV's in her arm and the bandages, the queasy feeling returned and this time she could not get it under control. Jasmine stared at her as she left the room and then followed her to make sure she was okay.

"I'm fine Jasmine, just not myself lately"…She tries to push it out of her head that she was possibly pregnant, but then again her and Jax haven't been exactly the most careful either, so it was a possibility. Coming out of the ladies room, she spies Jax, Chibs and Juice in the hallway.

"Hey babe, what's up? Whoa you're not looking so good, kinda pale actually" says Jax concerned.

Tara nods hello to Chibs and Juice and says "I think I may be coming down with something, but as you know I have been working a lot of hours lately as well."

"That's okay, but when you get home tonight try and rest. So how is that girl that from the accident?"

"Her vitals are stable but she still hasn't woken up yet. Juice when you got her out did she say anything, like her name?" Tara asks.

"Sorry Tara, she didn't. But if you don't mind I would like to go look in on her. Is that okay?"

"Yeah that's fine. Actually I will have Jasmine take you to her room." Turning to look for the young nurse, Tara became dizzy and lost her balance. Jax grabbed her in time before she hit the floor. Knowing this wasn't like Tara and not being able to help her he looked to the nurse's station and asked for help. A couple of them came over to help him as they placed her on a gurney and took her to an exam room.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I do not own Sons of Anarchy, but if I did Juice would be my slave… in a good way.

Chapter 2 --- Don't Scare Me Like That…

As the nurses brought Tara into an exam room, she began to stir slightly. Jax ran his hands through his hair nervously, wondering what happened to Tara. In all the years he's known her, she has never fainted. EVER!!! Something isn't right here, but he couldn't do anything and that made him feel helpless.

Tara, had finally awakened, asked one of the nurses if she can ask Jax to leave and then they can check her over. She could see Jax shaking his head no and trying to argue with Gina, but Gina wasn't one to be bowled over. Jax glanced back at Tara and left the room pissed off because they asked him to leave and because he still didn't know what was wrong with Tara.

Gina turned to Tara, looked her dead in the eye and asked…"Well?"

"Well, what?" she asked back.

"Oh come on Tara, you don't just faint for no reason, so what gives. Are you pregnant?" says Gina.

"I'm not sure." She replys. "I mean it could be possible." Tara really didn't want to think about the possibilities, but if she was then she would have to talk to Jax. This was a big decision to bring another baby into this world. She already felt as if Abel was hers. She was still wrestling with the idea that she may in fact be pregnant, but then her pager went off and a Code Blue was called. The young accident victim was crashing.

Tara rushed to get off the gurney, but became light headed and took her time getting out of the room. Her team headed into the victim's room. She was coding. They quickly started CPR and got the defibrillator charged. "CLEAR" shouts Tara as the shock starts a regular heart rhythm. As Tara assesses her condition, she feels a slight tug on her coat sleeve. She looks into the face of the young girl and sees hr eyes are open, if not in focus. Taking that as a good sign, she smiled encouragingly and promised that she would come by in a little while. But first she has to find Jax.

She didn't have to look far for him. She found Jax, Chibs and Juice in the waiting room. Chibs and Juice were speaking in hushed tones, while Jax was pacing around the room. She cleared her throat and they all looked up.

"I'm fine before you say anything. Juice, you are going to have to wait to see the accident victim. She just coded, but we were able to bring her back. Jax you and I need to talk. I would rather wait until tonight, but I also know you aren't going to leave."

Saying good-bye to Tara, Chibs and Juice headed out of the hospital. Tara grabbed hold of Jax's hand and led him into a private room. Letting go of his hand and walking a bit away from him, trying to gather her courage to tell him of her suspicions she heard "What's going on Tara? Something is not right. When you fainted it scared the crap outta me. Don't scare me like that again. Baby just tell me what's going on?"

Turning around to see his face when she told him of her suspicions, she looked into his eyes and saw fear of the unknown, but love also shined out of those eyes as well. Tara closed the distance between them and grabbed his hands once more, kissed them and while her head was lowered she quietly said "I might be pregnant."

Jax was sure he misheard her. "What did you say?"

"I said that I might be pregnant. But I'm not quite sure. Yet." All that signs were there, pointing to pregnancy. She needed to confirm it though.

"Wow. Tara, I mean, wow. When will you find out?" He couldn't believe it. Another baby, maybe. He thought of Abel. He thought of how much he loves his son. If she was pregnant, then he would have another baby to love and cherish. With the woman who was always meant to be his. She owned him mind, body and soul. Whether she knew it or not.

"Listen find out first whether you are or not. Then when you come home, we will sit down and talk about this." Placing his hand on her stomach, he kissed her gently on her lips as a blush stole over her features. "I'll see you at the house tonight, okay?"

Nodding her head, simply because she didn't know what else to say, she watched him walk away. She still had patients to attend to and she wanted to check on the young girl.

Walking out of the private room, she didn't know she was being watched.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 – Memories**

Tara was checking on the young accident victim, so far after the code her vitals looked good, not great, but good Tara stayed in the room and thought back to when she was young like this girl. At 19 years old she packed up her things and headed out of Charming. As much as she loved Jax, she couldn't deal with small town life any longer she needed to be free, even at the expense of her heart. Tara wanted something better for herself. She decided to become of a doctor, with that decision she enrolled in college and did very well. From there she applied to medical school and succeeded beyond her wildest dreams. Her residency was done in Chicago. That is where she started to question if she made the right decision to leave Charming and Jax.

She constantly compared the men she dated to Jax. Until Josh Kohn an agent with ATF and all around nice guy. Or so it seemed. When Tara became pregnant, she knew that the only person she wanted to have children with was Jax. So she got an abortion and told Josh that she no longer wanted to be with him. She was still in love with the man she wanted to get away from. What if she stayed? What if she sucked it up and just committed to Jax and the club? Then maybe she would not be in the situation she is now. An ATF agent stalking her. Her having severe doubts about her abilities as a person and the ability to judge people. She thought Josh was a nice down to earth guy. Normal even, but no she went from the frying pan to the fire.

Coming back to the present, Tara did one last check with the victim. If only they knew her name. Then they can call her something other then victim. But Tara checked her watched and saw that her shift was almost over. She made one last check on her patients, before heading out the door of the hospital. Not knowing she was being watched as she left, Tara headed to the drug store to pick up the pregnancy test. The car following behind Tara slowed down for a bit, then sped up and tapped her bumper. Not hard at first but enough to make Tara look up in her rearview mirror. A non-descript dark car, with no lights on again sped up and hit her car harder. At this rate she was going to get hurt. Once again the car slowed down and then sped back up. This time they nailed the back of the car. Tara felt the loss of control as the car flipped twice before landing on its roof.

The car sped out of sight and left Tara's car sitting there turned over, with Tara unconscious inside. The contents of her purse scattered in the car and on the asphalt. Her phone was ringing and Tara had no clue.

Sirens pierced the silence of the night. Deputy Chief David Hale pulled up on scene. He saw the firefighters working the scene, when one of the other officers on the scene came over to him.

"Sir, there's something you need to see."

"What? Who is the victim?" he asked as almost afraid to hear the answer.

"It's Tara Knowles, sir."

"WHAT?!" Hale rushed over to the car, just as the fire fighters pulled her out. Hale heard her phone ringing and guessed at who might be calling. In response to that, he pulled out his phone and called Jax. He hated telling him the Tara was hurt, but knew it needed to be done as she had no other family.

"What do you want Hale?" says Jax almost angrily.

"You need to get to the hospital. Tara was in a car accident and it doesn't look good, right now." Hale says sadly.

"What do you mean, she was in an accident? Is there any other cars around?" Jax was already getting things ready and once he hangs up with Hale, he will call his mom to come and watch Abel. "Okay man let me go and call my mom and I will head right there" Jax says.

"One more thing Jax. Is Tara pregnant? There was a home pregnancy test in the car. They will wanna know".

"She wasn't sure. She was going to take the test when she came home. I'll see you at the hospital."

Jax disconnected the phone and quickly called his mom. He told her briefly what happened and she promised to be right over. Sure enough Gemma arrived ten minutes later followed by Clay and the rest of the guys. They must have been at the house when he called his mother.

Jax told his mother he would call later when he knew more. Kissing Abel on the head he ran out to his bike an started the engine and headed towards the hospital with the rest of the Sons in tow.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: ** I do not own SoA in any way shape or form.

Sorry for the delay in updating, but I was away on vacation and did not want to be around a computer if I didn't have to be. But enough rambling…onto the next chapter…

**Chapter 4 – Is she or Isn't she?**

Gunning the engine of his dyna-glide bike, Jax raced towards the hospital with only one thought in his head and heart. Tara. What the hell happened? Here we both thought that the problems she had with Kohn was done with. Hopefully Hale will have some more information.

Pulling into the hospital parking lot, the rest of the Sons behind him, Jax headed straight to the Admitting Desk and asked where Tara was. Most of the nursing staff knew that this was Tara's boyfriend and really her only family.

"Dr. Knowles is still being treated in the emergency room. If you and your friends would like she is going to be transferred upstairs to her own room. There is a waiting room up there for you to all wait" says the receptionist at the desk.

"Thank you, thank you very much" said Jax as he and the Reaper crew left the office and to the bank of elevators to the right. As they headed up to the floor where Tara was going to be, many thoughts were going through Jax's head as well as the others. First and foremost they hoped she was going to be fine. She had become and integral part of the Sons, not only as and "old lady", but as their resident doctor. She took care of them when they didn't need questions asked at the hospital or if they just needed simple care.

Jax's thoughts leaned more towards the conversation they had earlier in the day. About whether or not she was might be pregnant. What scared him now was that she was and that he never truly told her what he felt. Yes he would have been happy about another baby, but he was also frightened. He wants more for Abel then what the club is now. He wants the vision that his father had originally for the club. But Abel is here and the possibility of another baby coming into the MC world as it is right now would have been daunting. But him and Tara could have made it work. This was there second go around. They were meant to be together. Feeling a hand on his shoulder he looked up into Chibbs' face. Chibbs nodded towards the door.

A fresh faced nurse that Jax vaguely recalled that morning stood at the door nervously twisting her fingers, unshed tears in her eyes. Lips trembled as she tried to speak. Just as she was about to let them know that they could see Dr. Knowles, the attending doctor came up behind her.

"Gentlemen, I am Dr. Rubens. I wanted to speak to you about Dr. Knowles and her condition. She was injured, couple of cracked ribs so it will hurt to breathe for a time. She also has a concussion and several deep bruises. Thankfully none of her injuries require any surgery."

"Doc, no disrespect or anything, but her car was overturned, are you sure that is all that is wrong with her?" asked Clay.

"Yes I am sure. She is a very strong willed young woman. Though the car flipped onto the roof she was strapped into her seat which in turn minimized the damage to her and her body." Replied the good doctor.

"Dr. Rubens, can I speak with you for a moment outside" says Jax.

"Sure" says the doctor. As Jax gets up and heads into the hallway with the doctor, the rest of the club decide to speak with Hale and Unser and see if they have any information. Tara was one of them and they protect their own. Chibbs volunteered to stay behind with Jax, while the club took off to "church" and call in Hale and Unser.

Meantime Jax was outside with the doctor and only nodded as the passed him. He knew what they were going to do and for once he agreed with the plan.

"Dr. Rubens, Tara and I were talking this morning and she thinks she might be pregnant. Did you, I don't know how to say this, but did you find anything to indicate that she was pregnant." Jax was half hoping she was and the other half was hoping she wasn't.

"Actually we didn't. I'm very sorry. If you would like, you can go see her now. Please follow me." The doctor lead him down the hallway to the room she was given. Thanking the doctor, Jax slowly stepped in and looked at the bed that she was in hooked up to monitors and a bandage at her temple. Slight purple marred her features the bruising would get darker and deepen. Jax felt his heartbreak at the sight of her like this and he felt the prick of tears stinging the backs of his eyes. She looked so fragile and helpless.

"Jax" croaked out Tara.

"Oh baby, I am so sorry for this." One of the tears he tried so valiantly to hold back, slowly crept out of the corner of his eye and down his cheek. Ducking his head, he wiped away the stray tear.

"Shhhh, Jax this is not your fault. I'm fine. I wanna tell you something though."

"The doctor already told me. You aren't pregnant. In a way I am glad that you aren't because I don't think I could have told you that you may have lost our baby from this accident."

"Jax, I don't think this was an accident. Someone tapped my bumper hard enough to get my attention and then harder the second time. That's when I lost control and flipped the car. Someone tried to do this deliberately." Tara said quietly, the pain meds starting to take effect again.

"Get some rest baby, I'll be back in a bit." Leaving the room and heading to the waiting area where Chibbs waited. He told Chibbs what Tara had said and told him that he would be staying the night with her. Chibbs left Jax and headed back to the clubhouse to relay the message. Jax then placed a call to his mom and told her what happened with Tara and asked if she would mind staying with Abel for the night. Gemma had no problem doing that and she told him that. When the call disconnected, Jax made his way back to Tara's room and noticed that there was a blanket and pillow in the chair he vacated only a few moments before. Grabbing Tara's hand in his, he kissed her hand, told her that he loved her and let sleep over take his body.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I hate doing disclaimers, but I know that I must….I do not under any circumstances own Sons of Anarchy…nor do I own any music that I may have in here….so now onto the next part of the story…this chapter is going to be Jax's POV and flashbacks….

**Chapter 5 - Tara**

Jax had drifted into a deep sleep while holding Tara's hand in the hospital. He started to dream of what might have happened to her. All of these thoughts and dreams were going through his head and he briefly woke up and checked on Tara and then fell back into a troubled sleep.

Jax knew that Tara was his life. She always had been. Even when she left and his heart was in tatters, he still loved her. When he came to the hospital all those months ago, because his ex-wife Wendy nearly killed herself and their son Abel, he ran into Tara. She was his son's doctor and he would never be able to thank her for saving his life. It felt like a lifetime ago that Tara came back into his life, but in truth she was never truly out of it.

Tara always wanted more. More then what Charming offered, and sometimes Jax felt as if she wanted more then him. But he knew better then that, he knew that she wanted him with the same passion that he wanted her. The look in her eyes when she caught him staring at her, the sway in her hips when she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was watching her and wanted her and he couldn't do anything about it until he had her at the house. That was another thing. She still had her house but she spent most of her time at his house in bed with him, taking care of him and Abel and making sure that all was well and happy in Jax land.

Jax thought about his life and what had come to pass. In many ways he felt blessed because he had his son, who he wouldn't change for anything. But he dreamt about what life, more specifically his life, would have been like if Tara had just stayed and never left. If she never left, he wouldn't have married Wendy and had Abel. If Abel hadn't been born premature and with his health problems, then Tara wouldn't have been working to save his life and Jax and Tara would never have found a common ground and be able to reconcile. He envisioned her round with his child and he truly thought that she was pregnant. He knew that the timing was not right to bring another child into his crazy world, but he still pictured her with Abel on her hip and her belly round with his child.

He loved her beyond reason and would do anything to protect her. He actually did. That stupid ass ex-boyfriend of hers, ATF Agent Josh Kohn terrorized her in Chicago, and then when she left there to come home, he followed her here and thought that he would do the same damn thing. What the asshole wasn't expecting however, was Jax. Kohn tried to rape Tara in her own home after he was escorted out of town by the local police. He escaped and came back to her house, threw her into the bedroom door, knocked her out for a bit. When she came to, Kohn was on top of her, she saw that he was lax in his ways and left the gun laying on the nightstand. She flipped him over and started to kiss him, but instead she grabbed his gun and shot him in an effort to get him to stop. The wound wasn't fatal, but she panicked and didn't know what else to do, so she called him. Jax came running back, forgetting everything but her. Her got to her house and came in and saw her, pacing back and forth with the gun in her hand shirt ripped open. All Jax saw was Tara. The vile stream of curses and ranting were coming from her bedroom. He walked in, gun in hand and shot Kohn point blank range. He never had to kill anyone like that for someone who wasn't part of the MC, but for her he would go to the ends of the earth for. Tara was screaming in shock, he sat on the bed and Tara came and sat right beside him. They took comfort in each other that night and made love slowly, never thinking of the dead man on the floor. Jax silently thanked Kohn that night. If it wasn't for him doing what he did, Jax thought that maybe he and Tara would not have gotten back together.

Jax woke up again and saw that Tara was awake and staring at him. She looked deep into his eyes and told him what she thought "I love you Jackson Teller".

"I love you too, Tara Knowles, I love you very much and I cannot wait to get you home to show you how much you mean to me" Jax stated. With that sad Tara drifted back into a light sleep and Jax stayed awake watching her. He waited for the doctor to come and let them know if she can go home.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I do not own SoA. I wish I did though….This is just a short chapter that was needed to segue into the next chapter. I will promise to update a bit more often.

**Chapter 6 – The next morning**

Tara awoke stiff and uncomfortable. She was trying to remember all that happened to her, when she shifted her head to the side and looked at Jax. He was sleeping so peacefully, albeit uncomfortably, in the chair next to her. She was sore and as she moved she tried to keep the small moan from escaping her lips. It wasn't enough as a pair of strong arms encircled her and helps to shift her more comfortably on the hospital bed.

Jax heard the small moan escape from Tara's mouth even though she tried to hide it. He made sure she was set, before he walked outside to find a doctor or even a nurse to just check on her. Finding her doctor at the nurses' station, they both headed back to Tara's room. She was sitting up and a slight grimace marred her beautiful face.

"Sweetheart, why are you moving around? Why didn't you wait for me?" Jax said

"I needed to shift a bit more and you weren't here. So don't start with me." Grimacing a bit more. "Oh, hi Doctor." Just now noticing the doctor in the room.

"Hello to you to Dr. Knowles. First off, how are you feeling today?" He asked gently as he probed with light fingers her ribs. Noticing that she jumped a bit at his touch, he gathered she was still in pain, but that would heal with proper rest and time. Glancing beneath lowered eyelids, the doctor noticed how the young man hovered around Tara. He looked straight at him and asked him politely if he could wait outside momentarily. The young man seemed very reluctant to do so, until Tara nodded her head that it was okay.

"I'll be right outside. You need me, you holler. Love you" Kissing her forehead gently he made his way to the door and walked out into the hallway.

The doctor continued his examination of Tara checking her head and checking her eyes. She seemed to be the mend. The doctor told Tara that she can go home that morning and he would see to the paperwork to check out. She was so relieved that she could go home and be in her own bed and just sleep.

"Hey babe, the doctor told me the good news. Ya gettin out." Pulling the chair closer to her side of the bed, Jax leaned in letting his lips hover at her temple "You're comin back to my house. That way myself, Gemma and Nita can take turns watching you while you heal." Tara opened her mouth to say something, anything "No complaints Tara. Please for my sake." She just nodded her head as she caught the look in his eyes. Like he was frightened of turning around and she wasn't going to be there.

Tara swung her legs over the side of the bed and got her bearings. She felt light headed and sick, but she attributed it to the ribs hurting her as much as they were. She felt Jax lightly grab her arm so as not to cause more pain for her and helped her into the bathroom so that she could change. While she was in there, Jax place a call to his mom and let her know that Tara was getting out today and that she would be staying at the house while she recovered. "That's good, baby. Nita and I will watch over her and Abel. She's good Jax. We will see you soon. Love you baby."

"Love you too mom. Oh and mom thanks." Jax quickly hung up the phone as he heard the bathroom door open. Making his way to her in the small room, he guided her back to the bed.

"I just called mom. She and Nita will watch over you during the day and I will be with you at night. I was scared Tara, really scared to get that phone call from Hale tonight. All these thoughts went through my head and I…."

"Shhhh…I'm here, banged up, but I am alive and sitting in front of you. So lets just for the time being get me out of here and back to the house. Okay?" Tara lightly kissed his lips as a re-assurance for him and maybe, just maybe, herself.

Tara was given her discharge papers and express rules that she is to do nothing but rest. They let her have a couple of weeks off, normally she would have had to use her time, but the hospital felt it was in theirs and Tara's best interest to grant her time. They wheeled Tara out the front doors of the hospital and while Jax waited with her, the van pulled up and driving was Juice. He jumped down to help Jax with Tara's things and get her situated in the van. Thank god for the bench seat in the back. Tara was able to lay down an put her head onto Jax's lap and drift off while Juice drove extra cautiously back to Jax's house.

No one noticed the man on the side of the building. Watching and waiting. He shook his head, not believing that the bitch doctor survived and was headed home. Things just became a bit more complicated.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in like forever, but life sometimes interrupts that best laid plans. I also was floored by the season finale and just couldn't believe that Half-Sack died, but Kurt Sutter did an interview and said that Johnny Lewis was not happy in his contract and wanted out. I think that the way he died was symbolic of him and his devotion to the Sons. Anyway back to the story…..this chapter is short but it makes a point.

**Chapter 7 – Home**

Jax got Tara home from the hospital. As she walked through the door of Jax's home, she was gently embraced by Gemma. The first thought in Tara's head was not too hard, but Gemma, she swore, knew what Tara needed. When Gemma stepped back, Nita brought over Abel. Placing a small feather like kiss on his head, Jax and Tara made their way to the bedroom, where Tara sat on the edge of the bed. Jax helped her out of her clothes and placed a Sons shirt on her so that she was able to sleep comfortably.

Tara grabbed Jax's hand and held it to her face. She inhaled the scent that was naturally all his. Leather and soap. Pure Jax. She felt comforted by his presence alone and knew that right now all she wanted was him holding her and keeping her safe. Looking up into his face she saw the creases of worry drifting over his face. He bent down to her level and waited until she spoke.

"Please don't go" she said. "I need you to stay with me, at least for a bit."

Nodding his head Jax said "Let me go check on Abel. Mom and Nita left already. Then I will come back. Here take this, it's the pain medication. Lets get you under the covers. Be right back."

Slipping the pill into her mouth and sipping on the cup of water that was placed by the bedside, Tara slid under the covers and fought to stay awake until Jax came back. But the pain medication and her body had other ideas for her. Slipping peacefully into a deep slumber, Tara never heard Jax re-enter the room or feel him when he kissed her forehead.

Jax sat on the edge of the bed, thinking about how he almost lost Tara again. He went into panic mode when Hale called him and told him that Tara was in an accident. Jax had just started to wrap his head around the fact that Tara might be pregnant, but those hopes were dashed when the doctor at the hospital told him otherwise. He knew she loved him and he loved her and has told her often since getting back together, but sometimes he thinks that maybe she needs more. She is here more often then she is at home and she loves Abel as her own son, maybe it was time to think about the next step.

He stripped his cut off and laid it on the chair, his shoulder holster and weapon went next, but Jax took his gun out and laid it in the open nightstand drawer. The rest of his clothes soon followed. His cell phone was on the nightstand as well in case his mom or Clay or anyone needed to get in touch him. Jax slid into the bed and curled around Tara and held her close whispering in her ear "I love you" before finally drifting off to sleep himself.


End file.
